was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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