The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
