When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Randomize
