Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
