So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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