Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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