I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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