I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
