someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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