Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
