how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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