I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
