This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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