you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
