your parents love me but you hate me
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
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