he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
