hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
