just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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