I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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