One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
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