I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
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