if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
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