i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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