thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
