That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
