Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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