Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
