i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Randomize
