Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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