So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
