I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
