I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
