I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
