Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
