thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
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