i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
the condom got lost in my hair
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
