Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
How's work?
Spinning.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
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