Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
