I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
