Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
