Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives�
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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