Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I wish i was in the wii world.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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