party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
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