i wish starbucks made bloody marys
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
