i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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