The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Congratulations! We have a period
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
