Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
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