I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Randomize
