the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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