What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
