Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
