hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
